Baby Loss, Daily, Parenting After Loss

Fear and Loathing in Kansas City

I've been trying to explain my feelings lately. I've had a few who seem to think that at this point, nearly 2 years later and with Madeline here with me, that I should be "all better" now. Truthfully, some days, I feel like I am worse now at handling what happened then I was 2… Continue reading Fear and Loathing in Kansas City


Where I Am Right Now

I know I'm long overdue for an update. Honestly, I have a lot to tell you, but for now, this is all I've got. I will be 29 weeks tomorrow. Joshua was born at 29 weeks last February. Tomorrow we are supposed to get hit with a major snow storm that the news is continuing… Continue reading Where I Am Right Now


Checking In

Hi. Bet you thought I forgot all about this blog. I know it's been a while. I've been busy...trying to balance grief and everyday life is a full time job and honestly I needed a vacation. I needed time to figure out this next stage in our journey. There has been so much going on… Continue reading Checking In


A New Perspective

It's easy to get wrapped up in our own lives, grief or no grief, we all do it from time to time. We focus on ourselves and forget that we are not the center of the universe and that there are others around us who are going through big life stuff too. Sometimes, we are… Continue reading A New Perspective


An Anchor of Hope

It's funny how connected I feel to others who have been through the loss of a child. This community is much bigger than I ever knew - which makes me very sad. But it is also extremely close - which makes me extremely grateful. Now, I would trade all of my new "friends" in a… Continue reading An Anchor of Hope


Our Story

Today, I am the guest post over at Stillborn and Still Breathing. My husband, Patrick, and I met on August 22nd, 2010.  We both quickly realized that this was different than any other relationship that had come before.  We fell in love fast and were engaged in April of 2011.  We got married on the… Continue reading Our Story


Right Where I Am: 20 weeks 1 day

Today I'm Guest Posting over at Loss Through the Looking Glass about where I am today in this journey through loss. Today, I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Today, I am weaker than I ever knew. I am thankful and blessed for what was... almost. I am broken and sad for what it now… Continue reading Right Where I Am: 20 weeks 1 day


We are Okay

It seems like everyone around us has an opinion about how we "should" be dealing with Josh's death. I hear everything from; "you guys are so strong" to "you guys should really be going to a support group/counselor/psychologist..." The truth is we are okay. We are handling things the best way we know how...together. You… Continue reading We are Okay


In Flames

  Thursday night as I watched my husband light fireworks, sparks flying in different directions and colors I couldn't help but wonder what those fireworks looked like from Heaven.  I'm sure the view is pretty amazing.  I watched the smile on Patrick's face and my heart ached.  He would be such a good daddy.  Later… Continue reading In Flames



Today is exactly 2 months since our due date. Today is 19 weeks since Joshua's birthday. Today I received the call that his gravestone has been placed. God, this is not how this was supposed to be... The rest of the world continues on and I'm stuck here living this nightmare over and over again.… Continue reading Today…