Daily

Abandoned

I feel like more and more memories are coming back to me.  I guess it's not really the memories of the actual events of the day as those have always been crystal clear, but its the memories of the emotions I felt during those first few hours, days, and weeks. Like today, out of nowhere,… Continue reading Abandoned

Daily

1 Year

My Dear Joshua Patrick, My sweet boy, oh how I miss you and wish you were here with us today.  I would have baked you your very first birthday cake and laughed as you smeared the blue and white frosting across your face as you tried to mash the vanilla cake into your open mouth… Continue reading 1 Year

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Where I Am Right Now

I know I'm long overdue for an update. Honestly, I have a lot to tell you, but for now, this is all I've got. I will be 29 weeks tomorrow. Joshua was born at 29 weeks last February. Tomorrow we are supposed to get hit with a major snow storm that the news is continuing… Continue reading Where I Am Right Now

Daily

Shattered, but slowly gluing the pieces back together

This is where I am.  Shattered, but slowly gluing the pieces back together.  Scared out of my mind.  Trying my best to not let fear consume me and steal away the joy that I feel.  Nothing about this is easy.  Everyday is terrifying and I feel like I'm holding my breath just waiting.  Every doctor's… Continue reading Shattered, but slowly gluing the pieces back together

Daily

One More Reminder

It seemed innocent enough. It was a sleepy Sunday morning. No plans to attend church since I was still recovering from a sprained ankle after falling on the ice Friday morning. Patrick and I were cuddling on the couch and trying to find something to watch on television. We stopped on the Mickey Mouse Christmas… Continue reading One More Reminder

Daily

Remembering

To wake up every day with out your precious child is one of (if not the absolute most) the most painful things that a person can ever experience. To wake up every day and have faith that God is still there in the midst of the hurt, the pain, the grief and the ache takes… Continue reading Remembering

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Halloween – Tricks and Treats

We have our orange pumpkin full of candy ready and waiting for the neighborhood kiddos to come knock on the door. I'm actively trying to ignore the thoughts in my head. As usual, it's not really working. Last year I wore a skeleton shirt with a baby skeleton on the tummy. The very first outfit… Continue reading Halloween – Tricks and Treats

Daily

The Weight of Grief

I'm guessing it's all of the rapidly approaching holidays, or maybe it's just the seasons changing. Whatever "it" is, I've noticed the grief deepening lately. The heavy weight of the hurt and the ache has slowly been building. The tears have been falling all too easily. I'm sure some of that is just pregnancy hormones… Continue reading The Weight of Grief

Daily

Innocence Lost

It's surreal to think that this time last year I was pregnant with our first child. I was almost 12 weeks along. Nearing the end of the first trimester. I was looking forward to finding out the gender and to the end of morning sickness. Everyone (doctor included) kept saying how our risks of a… Continue reading Innocence Lost

Daily

Capture Your Grief Project

In 1988 President Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. "When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them."  - President Reagan… Continue reading Capture Your Grief Project