Baby Loss, infant loss, Joshua

The Cardinal

Tuesday night, after work, on my way to pick up Madeline from daycare, I found myself in tears.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I have to pass two cemeteries on my way home each day.  The cemetery where my Joshua is buried and the cemetery where my Grandma Jones is buried (along with my… Continue reading The Cardinal


1 Year

My Dear Joshua Patrick, My sweet boy, oh how I miss you and wish you were here with us today.  I would have baked you your very first birthday cake and laughed as you smeared the blue and white frosting across your face as you tried to mash the vanilla cake into your open mouth… Continue reading 1 Year



To wake up every day with out your precious child is one of (if not the absolute most) the most painful things that a person can ever experience. To wake up every day and have faith that God is still there in the midst of the hurt, the pain, the grief and the ache takes… Continue reading Remembering


Holidays are Hard

Last week was Thanksgiving. We had a house full of family, too much food, and many things to be grateful for, but my mind kept floating back to last year. Last year, Thanksgiving was the day we told our families that we were having a little boy. We were so excited. Earlier that week we… Continue reading Holidays are Hard


How Are You Today

While at work last week, a coworker came in and simply asked, "How are you today?" It's a simple question. Innocent. I did not expect that it would bring me to tears. Really, I'm not even sure where they came from. But there I was, unable to hold back the tears that were welling up… Continue reading How Are You Today


The Weight of Grief

I'm guessing it's all of the rapidly approaching holidays, or maybe it's just the seasons changing. Whatever "it" is, I've noticed the grief deepening lately. The heavy weight of the hurt and the ache has slowly been building. The tears have been falling all too easily. I'm sure some of that is just pregnancy hormones… Continue reading The Weight of Grief


Innocence Lost

It's surreal to think that this time last year I was pregnant with our first child. I was almost 12 weeks along. Nearing the end of the first trimester. I was looking forward to finding out the gender and to the end of morning sickness. Everyone (doctor included) kept saying how our risks of a… Continue reading Innocence Lost


Capture Your Grief Project

In 1988 President Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. "When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them."  - President Reagan… Continue reading Capture Your Grief Project


These Days

These days I am still breathing. Trust me when I say that that is an accomplishment. These days I am trying to choose joy over the grief. Some days I fail miserably at this. These days my grief has become more internal. I don't (usually) cry unless I'm alone or with only Patrick. I try… Continue reading These Days


Faith Sustains

When everything else has been torn from us, we are left with nothing but our faith. It is our faith that sustains us. It is our faith that strengthens us. It is our faith that gets us through each day. In the last seven months I have had everything I hoped for, dreamed of, and… Continue reading Faith Sustains