Baby Loss, infant loss, Joshua

The Cardinal

Tuesday night, after work, on my way to pick up Madeline from daycare, I found myself in tears.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I have to pass two cemeteries on my way home each day.  The cemetery where my Joshua is buried and the cemetery where my Grandma Jones is buried (along with my… Continue reading The Cardinal

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Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua, Parenting After Loss

2 Years Without Him

I'm sitting here watching the Academy Awards with Patrick and Madeline. My mind keeps flashing back to 2 years ago, sitting in the hospital room, absentmindedly watching the Oscars trying to feel "normal." We ordered pizza and sat there staring at the tv. I let the mix of pain meds and Xanax take over and… Continue reading 2 Years Without Him

Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua, Letters to Josh, Monthly Letters

Two Years

Dear Sweet Joshua, Today you would be 2 years old. I want nothing more than to be planning a birthday party. Probably TMNT themed thanks to your dad's influence. I want to bake you a cake and watch you blow out the candles. I want to spoil you with presents and shower you with kisses… Continue reading Two Years

Baby Loss, The Words of Others

Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies, She never did before But from now until she dies, She'll tell a whole lot more. Ask my Mom how she is And because she can't explain, She will tell a little lie because she can't describe the pain. Ask my Mom how she is, She'll say,… Continue reading Ask My Mom How She Is

Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua

Surviving

I feel like this week is going to suffocate me. I see those dates on my calendar and I just want to hide under the covers until March. I've been feeling these days coming for weeks. Now they are here. How exactly do you honor your child's 2nd birthday when he is not here to… Continue reading Surviving

Baby Loss, Daily, Parenting After Loss

Fear and Loathing in Kansas City

I've been trying to explain my feelings lately. I've had a few who seem to think that at this point, nearly 2 years later and with Madeline here with me, that I should be "all better" now. Truthfully, some days, I feel like I am worse now at handling what happened then I was 2… Continue reading Fear and Loathing in Kansas City

Baby Loss, Daily, Holidays, Joshua, Madeline, Parenting After Loss

There Should Be More

All my life I was raised to be grateful for what I had. This was especially true at Christmas. I may not have always gotten every gift that I had on my wish list, but my mom worked hard to ensure that my Christmas was always magical. I know we live in a society that… Continue reading There Should Be More