Daily, Holidays, infant loss, Joshua, Madeline, Parenting, Parenting After Loss

When Mother’s Day is Hard

Mother's Day is hard. Even with my sweet, little, beautiful Madeline, it is STILL hard. I look at her and I know that I am blessed.   I know that I am lucky because there are so many that are still longing with aching hearts and empty arms to hear the words "momma, I love… Continue reading When Mother’s Day is Hard

Daily, infant loss, Joshua, Madeline, Parenting After Loss

Missing

I'm struggling to get out of bed today. This is the day I spend 364 days a year dreading. I would much rather stay in bed and skip over this day. The memories that too easily come and play on repeat. There are some images that a mother and father just shouldn't have in their… Continue reading Missing

Daily, infant loss, Joshua, Letters to Josh

Four

Four. Today you should be turning 4. There should be balloons and cake and presents and a trip to one of your favorite places. I wonder what that would be... There should be lots of giggles and hugs and sweet birthday wishes for our getting so big too fast birthday boy. Instead I'm here, just… Continue reading Four

Baby Loss, Daily, infant loss, Joshua, Parenting After Loss

February…Again

  I've thought about taking a break. A break from Facebook and Instagram. A break from seeing the photos of your adorable children playing together...brother and sister. A break from the reality that we should be posting our own photos in between reminding our almost 2 year old and almost 3 year old to share on… Continue reading February…Again

Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua, Madeline, Parenting, Parenting After Loss

My Saving Grace

The weight of her tiny body on my chest was the only thing keeping me grounded in that moment. I knew that. If it wasn't for the feel of her breathing as she lay there sleepily cuddling into me I was afraid I might have forgotten that I was supposed to be breathing too. I… Continue reading My Saving Grace

Baby Loss, infant loss, Joshua

The Cardinal

Tuesday night, after work, on my way to pick up Madeline from daycare, I found myself in tears.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I have to pass two cemeteries on my way home each day.  The cemetery where my Joshua is buried and the cemetery where my Grandma Jones is buried (along with my… Continue reading The Cardinal

Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua, Parenting After Loss

2 Years Without Him

I'm sitting here watching the Academy Awards with Patrick and Madeline. My mind keeps flashing back to 2 years ago, sitting in the hospital room, absentmindedly watching the Oscars trying to feel "normal." We ordered pizza and sat there staring at the tv. I let the mix of pain meds and Xanax take over and… Continue reading 2 Years Without Him

Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua, Letters to Josh, Monthly Letters

Two Years

Dear Sweet Joshua, Today you would be 2 years old. I want nothing more than to be planning a birthday party. Probably TMNT themed thanks to your dad's influence. I want to bake you a cake and watch you blow out the candles. I want to spoil you with presents and shower you with kisses… Continue reading Two Years

Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua

Surviving

I feel like this week is going to suffocate me. I see those dates on my calendar and I just want to hide under the covers until March. I've been feeling these days coming for weeks. Now they are here. How exactly do you honor your child's 2nd birthday when he is not here to… Continue reading Surviving