It was innocent enough. A dad was talking about how much of a pain it is to have to take his kids' coats off in order to get them in their carseats. He made a joke about it being okay if one of them froze to death since he's got two others... An elderly man… Continue reading Ouch
Category: Baby Loss
February…Again
I've thought about taking a break. A break from Facebook and Instagram. A break from seeing the photos of your adorable children playing together...brother and sister. A break from the reality that we should be posting our own photos in between reminding our almost 2 year old and almost 3 year old to share on… Continue reading February…Again
My Saving Grace
The weight of her tiny body on my chest was the only thing keeping me grounded in that moment. I knew that. If it wasn't for the feel of her breathing as she lay there sleepily cuddling into me I was afraid I might have forgotten that I was supposed to be breathing too. I… Continue reading My Saving Grace
The Cardinal
Tuesday night, after work, on my way to pick up Madeline from daycare, I found myself in tears. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I have to pass two cemeteries on my way home each day. The cemetery where my Joshua is buried and the cemetery where my Grandma Jones is buried (along with my… Continue reading The Cardinal
2 Years Without Him
I'm sitting here watching the Academy Awards with Patrick and Madeline. My mind keeps flashing back to 2 years ago, sitting in the hospital room, absentmindedly watching the Oscars trying to feel "normal." We ordered pizza and sat there staring at the tv. I let the mix of pain meds and Xanax take over and… Continue reading 2 Years Without Him
Two Years
Dear Sweet Joshua, Today you would be 2 years old. I want nothing more than to be planning a birthday party. Probably TMNT themed thanks to your dad's influence. I want to bake you a cake and watch you blow out the candles. I want to spoil you with presents and shower you with kisses… Continue reading Two Years
Ask My Mom How She Is
My Mom, she tells a lot of lies, She never did before But from now until she dies, She'll tell a whole lot more. Ask my Mom how she is And because she can't explain, She will tell a little lie because she can't describe the pain. Ask my Mom how she is, She'll say,… Continue reading Ask My Mom How She Is
Surviving
I feel like this week is going to suffocate me. I see those dates on my calendar and I just want to hide under the covers until March. I've been feeling these days coming for weeks. Now they are here. How exactly do you honor your child's 2nd birthday when he is not here to… Continue reading Surviving
Fear and Loathing in Kansas City
I've been trying to explain my feelings lately. I've had a few who seem to think that at this point, nearly 2 years later and with Madeline here with me, that I should be "all better" now. Truthfully, some days, I feel like I am worse now at handling what happened then I was 2… Continue reading Fear and Loathing in Kansas City
There Should Be More
All my life I was raised to be grateful for what I had. This was especially true at Christmas. I may not have always gotten every gift that I had on my wish list, but my mom worked hard to ensure that my Christmas was always magical. I know we live in a society that… Continue reading There Should Be More
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