I dreamed of Joshua last night. And not in a sweet “Remember I’m always with you, momma” kind of way. In a “I felt the whole weight of his loss all over again and couldn’t breathe” kind of way.
Holidays are always hard. I see the presents under the tree and wish there were more…for him. I see three full stockings instead of four. I send another holiday card with the sweetest pictures of Madeline, but he is not on there.
This year we are also feeling the absence of Patrick’s dad and sometimes I’m taken by surprise at how much grief we must endure with a smile on our faces and the busyness of the holiday season.
I know so many of my friends and family will wake up tomorrow morning and see those same empty spaces around the table and stockings left unfilled. And to you I say, it’s okay. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to get caught up in memories. It’s okay to not be okay while grieving those who were loved so much. I pray that these days are gentle on your soul, but I also understand just how much they will hurt. After all, we grieve so much because we love so much. So grieve, cry if you need to, love on those who are still here, and know that you are never alone. ❤️