My Thoughts

I’ve been (mostly) silently watching your comments and some of them make me sick to my stomach. You want to know why girls/woman don’t come forward at the time?


Men (and women) like you who doubt and deny and blame the girl for what happened to them. Fear and shock can prevent you from doing and saying a lot of things. Knowing that these are the kind of responses we (women) hear on a daily basis regarding assault, is sickening.

Would some of you really be saying these same things if it was YOUR wife or daughter or mother making the allegations?

I’m pretty sure most of you men have never had to fear being assaulted or raped or kidnapped or murdered just for what you are wearing, how your hair is pulled up, or for smiling at a stranger that maybe took that friendly smile as something it most definitely wasn’t. Have you ever been told that you really should wear a different shirt or a longer skirt because clearly you are asking for it and boys just can’t be responsible for their actions because we are obviously leading them on with that too short skirt and low cut shirt? Have you ever been catcalled at a stoplight? Have you had someone conduct an entire interview with you while staring at your chest? Have you ever had someone go out of their way to try to hug you, rub your arm, leg, back, just do anything to find an excuse to touch you? Have you ever had a date pressure you into doing something you said you didn’t want to do? Are you afraid to go places alone because that one time you did you were followed and afraid?

I was in elementary school the first time I heard a sexually inappropriate comment directed at me simply because I share my first name with a popular lingerie store.

It was middle school the first time a teacher pushed himself up against me from behind.

It was in high school the first time I felt pressured to go further than I said I wanted to.

I was just a teenager when an adult male told me that the way I dressed made the boys lustful and that I needed to dress differently so they wouldn’t have to try so hard to control themselves.

I was 16 when I went to an interview where the very respected adult male stared at my chest throughout the entire interview.

I’ve been called a slut for the clothes I wore and a bitch for not being the slut that I was assumed to be.

I’ve been sent photos that no one ever really wants to see.

I’ve had hands grope and grab at me. I’ve had hands push mine aside when I tried to resist.

And you know what? I’ve stayed silent. Why? Because I felt ashamed. I felt scared. I felt like I had disappointed my family, my friends, myself. I was/am a good Christian girl. Good Christian girls don’t get themselves into these kinds of situations. What would my mom say?

And I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve never been raped, though I know many dear friends and even family who have not been so lucky. I know many who have been assaulted in violent and terrifying ways. I am lucky most everything that has happened to me has been minor and pales in comparison to what I know many have gone through. And I also know that many of these same friends and family members never went to the police. They never reported the violence that was done to them.

Stop blaming victims and try offering a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to lean on.


It is a lot more likely that a girl will be assaulted and/or raped by a boy than that a girl will make up a story about a boy.

“Only 2-8% of rapes are falsely reported, the same percentage as for other felonies.”

“Every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.

And every 8 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison.”

“1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.”



I’m more than a little annoyed at this point that so many “Christians” aren’t outraged by these statistics and instead seem to want to ignore, deny, or invert the blame.

Christians want to know why so much of the younger generation is turned off by the Church? This. The way the Church treats women, minorities, and those whose lives don’t “fit in” with what you think the Church should look like. Evolve.

Being a democrat doesn’t mean someone is not a good person. And being a Republican certainly doesn’t mean someone is a Christian. I’m not sure why so many from the church still seem to be confusing the definitions.

I’m so ashamed of the words I am reading from people I call family and friends. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Most of you didn’t seem outraged when Trayvon Martin was killed or Michael Brown or Dante Parker or Tanisha Anderson or Tamir Rice or so many others. These are the things that should be getting the Church fired up. These are the things we should be crying out “Injustice!” for. Instead I watch as many of you victim shame and make excuses. A black male shouldn’t be wearing a dark hoodie at night, a young woman shouldn’t be wearing that short of a dress.

I am certain that the God I know is crying out “Injustice!” watching so many beautiful souls be raped, assaulted, or killed just for the color of their skin, their sexual preference, or for their physical appearance.

Too many of you are worried about whether a football player should be kneeling to see that this country of ours is broken.

So again I cry out to you, I plead, and I beg – be better.

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