Somedays are so blissfully happy that to anyone looking in you wouldn’t see that there was anything (anyone) missing.

Somedays I wake up in the middle of the night completely panicked that something is wrong.

Somedays the anxiety and fear is so much that I can barely breathe.

Somedays I can hold it all together.

Then somedays, like yesterday, I see someone who I haven’t seen in over a year, and they ask me Josh is doing…not knowing that we never were able to bring him home with us. I was 7 months pregnant with our first baby the last time he had been in the office. He had no way of knowing what had happened to Josh. He had no way of knowing that his sweet gesture of remembering my son’s name would cause the tears to form in my eyes.

Those days, like yesterday, are a punch in the gut. They knock the breath right out of me and bring me to a mess of tears.

Somedays are better than others.

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