I’ve had a several people tell me lately that they are surprised that I can write so openly about our loss and this burden of grief that we now carry. I’ve had other people tell me that they appreciate how honestly I am able to write about it all. For some of you who don’t know me, and even for some of you who do, it might seem weird that I’m using the internet as a way to bare my soul and share intimate details of our loss.
For me the idea of talking it all out seems to come naturally.
I’m pretty sure that once I learned how to talk I just never stopped. The only times I can remember getting in trouble in school were always because I would never stop talking. I always felt like I had something important to say, and it always made me feel good when others would want to ask me questions or for advice. As a teenager if my friends had a problem I was always right there to try and help them figure it out. I was more than willing to talk with them for days on end if we needed too. I grew up in church so I learned early on how to pray with and for others, and I was always willing to share a scripture or two if I thought it might be helpful.
As I got older the silly high school problems gave way to bigger issues that I watched life thrust upon us. We began dealing with issues that I knew were bigger than me. I’ve held the hands of those going through some of life’s darkest valleys. Always willing to talk and pray with them. God blessed me with a heart for others. Compassion and empathy just come naturally to me.
When we lost our Joshua, it broke my heart for our own loss, but it also broke my heart to see the hurt in our parents eyes as they said goodbye to their grandson that they never even got the chance to hold and hug and love on and spoil. For aunts, uncles, and cousins that also were left with a broken heart.
I write because I want others to know they aren’t alone. I write because I want to get it out of my head. I write because I want to remember.