Today is the 22nd which means it has officially been two months since we lost our sweet baby boy. I’m pretty much not a fan of the 22nd.
So basically today was just one of those days. It’s a Monday, it’s the 22nd, and it’s cold and drizzly. A triple threat. By the time I left work tonight I pretty much just felt defeated by the whole day.
While I listened to the words of another Steven Curtis Chapman song on the radio I started crying (I think most of his songs seem to make me cry these days. They’re songs of a father who has lost a daughter and they always seem to touch the places of my heart that I try and keep hidden while at work or out in the “real world” so as to not end up hysterically crying at my desk or in the middle of Target, but alone in my car, the walls are down and I’m able to let it all out). I cried and thought about Josh (really I’m not sure when I’m not thinking about him). But tonight as I drove and cried and prayed I saw something. In the sky, there it was very faint, but it was there all the same. A rainbow.
Now, as anyone who remembers the story of Noah will recall, a rainbow is a symbol of God’s promise – a symbol of hope.
Lately it has been very rainy around here both literally and metaphorically. It’s been grey, cloudy, and cold. Tonight, when I saw that rainbow, I first cried some more and then I smiled. I thanked God and Josh for give me that rainbow today. A desperately needed sign of hope. While the rainbow was faint, it was still there. My faith and hope maybe faint on days like this, but it is still there trying to peak out from behind the clouds of grief.
To anyone else a rainbow on the drive home might have just been something pretty in the sky, but to me, today, it was one more beautiful reminder that God’s got it all under control. I just have to have a little faith.