One of the books I’m currently reading is I Will Carry You – The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith. The story of Angie and Todd Smith’s decision to continue to carry their unborn daughter even when the doctors marked her as “incompatible with life” is a story not just about the love of parent for a child, but about the love God has for us as His children.
Each time I pick up this book to read, I have to prepare myself to cry. Reading of their final moments with their daughter made me cry, not just because I understood their pain, but because once again I see how God has allowed another baby to be taken too soon from loving Christian parents. It’s such a hard thing to understand sometimes. I mean being a Christian should offer us some kind of protection from these kinds of awful deep hurts of the world, right?
Of course, I have been a Christian long enough to know that the trials and tribulations of this world will not be avoided. The rain falls on the righteous as well as the wicked (Matthew 5:45).
I know that what we do with those trials is what makes the difference. When life knocks us down we have choices. We can lay down and let the world’s sorrows take control. We can let those fears and anxieties continue to creep in and leave us in such a dark depression that we don’t even look for the light anymore. Or we can chose to continue to have faith. We can choose to seek the light in the midst of our darkness. Giving God glory even when we are in the deep pit of despair is not easy, but it a choice we can make.
I choose to not let fear overtake me. I choose not to let the darkness overwhelm the light. It is a choice that doesn’t come easy. It is a choice that I have to continue to make each and every morning. There certainly is a part of me that wants to just stay in bed all day and allow myself to be swallowed up by the pain, the fear, and the disappointment that I feel, but I choose to get up. My sweet Joshua did not get the chance to choose to live or die, but I get to make that choice and I choose to live. I must continue to fight off the bitterness that I feel inside and I must continue to seek the light that I know can be found in Christ. I must choose to continue to praise my God even through my struggles. I must choose to use this current pain to fuel my fire for Him.
God will be glorified in this, because at the end of the day my God is still God and my God is still good.