Only Thing

The strength of my husband amazes me. Even when I know his heart is breaking inside he is still right there next to me holding me up and giving me the strength I need to carry on. I am blessed beyond measure to have such a wonderful man to call not only my husband but my best friend.

I know this is not what we thought we meant when we said our vows, but these are the times when we need to continue to turn to each other the most.

There are certainly plenty of days where I would stay in bed if I didn’t have him there to give me a reason to get up. My husband is where I find so much of my strength these days. I love that he is still able to make me laugh even through my downpour of tears.

His love for our son was incredible. From the first days of pregnancy he was always quick to take care of me, and then when little Josh began to move and kick the look on his daddy’s face as he was able to feel him made my heart melt time and time again. We loved to lay on the sofa with Patrick’s hand placed so gently on my growing belly and wait for Josh to give it a good kick. Those are moments that I cherish. They are moments that I don’t ever want to forget. I know Patrick would be an amazing father. This is part of why I wanted to marry him. His love for children is incredible. I know all of the many things he was looking forward to with his son. He was so excited to teach him how to throw a baseball, play a video game, and share his love of all things Royals, Chiefs, Batman, and movies. There were zoo trips planned, vacations to places we wanted him to see, and baseball games to attend. Losing Joshua isn’t just losing a child it is losing all of the hopes, dreams, and plans we had for him.

I know that these are the kinds of testing situations and trials that can either build you up or pull you down. It is my every prayer that this is something that we will be able to walk out of broken and bruised – yes, but all the more stronger and wiser because of it. Just as gold is purified through fire, I pray so too will our marriage be purified and made all the more precious.

I know that this is not where our story ends.

“I take you to be my partner in life, love, and all things. I vow to love you and care for you for as long as we both shall live. I accept you, with all of your faults and strengths, and offer myself to you with all of my own faults and strengths. I promise to help you when you need help, and to turn to you when I need help. I promise to be a faithful and loving companion and to always put the promises we make this day above all else. These rings are a symbol of our commitment that whatever lies ahead, good or bad, we will face together. If we look to each other first, we will always see a friend. Look to me for all the days to come; today I take my place as your loving wife/husband.” – August 27, 2011