The Problem

The problem with grief is that I never know when it is going to hit.  I’ve been back at work this week, and honestly I know that I came back too soon.  I can’t focus.  I have these major bursts of grief where I find myself crying so hard that I have to go into the bathroom to wipe my face and compose myself.  Other times I’ll be working and suddenly feel something wet on my cheek as I realize that I’ve been sitting here with tears running down my face.

I thought having something else to focus on would make it a little easier, but instead I think it’s just making things feel worse.  While I’ve never been crazy about my job, I’ve always at least felt that I was pretty good at it, but now…  I can’t remember how to do little things that I’ve been doing for five years.  Something that normally would take me 15 minutes somehow seems to take me hours to finish.  I feel worthless at work.  I’m a mess at home.  I just feel like I’m losing my mind.

I know that it all just takes time, but I’m just so frustrated with my feelings right now.

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