Clinging to the Hope

I woke up on February 22nd with 3 verses stuck in my mind.  Joshua 1:5, Joshua 1:9, and Jeremiah 29:11.  In fact, I had even called my mom and told her to print them off for me so we could hang them up in Joshua’s NICU room.  I wanted everyone who walked in there to see them and read them and be reminded that God was taking care of Joshua and that He would not leave him.  That God had a plan for him.
Little did I know that God was laying those verses on my heart as a reminder for myself, because at the same time I was on the phone with my mom, my little boy was on his way to Jesus.
I look at the timeline of events from that morning and I’m just so confused by everything.  But I am still trying my best to cling to those same three scriptures.  “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Joshua 1:5; “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9; and “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11.
I do not understand the ways of the God, but I still trust Him.  All I know is that Joshua Patrick Denney was here and his life mattered.  He changed my life forever in those 7 and half months that I carried him inside my womb.  And he changed my life in those 2 days that he lived here on earth.  Right now I’m longing for the hope I have of Heaven where I will get to be his mommy for all of eternity, but my heart aches for all of the dreams I had for him here with us.  My heart breaks for my dear husband as I wanted nothing more than to see him be a dad, to give him a son.  I was so excited to get to see Patrick teach Josh to play baseball and video games.  I was so excited to make our parents grandparents again.  To see my sisters be aunts and Patrick’s brother be an uncle. To watch our nephew, Mason grow up with Josh as they would have been almost exactly one year apart.  I feel like so much was taken from us.  From all us.  Please keep praying for us as the more we learn of what caused this to happen the more we are needing strength.

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