I went to church this morning. It was my first time back since having Josh. Patrick had to work this morning, so I had my mom come with me so I wouldn't be alone. Problem is I always feel alone now. Even in a crowded church auditorium, I feel alone. Going to church had always… Continue reading Easter Sunday
Month: March 2013
Beauty From Pain
I've always loved music. I love the way a song can often put into words everything that I am feeling. Right now, my Spotify playlist is full of songs about broken hearts, letting go of dreams, and hope in God. I'm trying to see beyond this mess that I'm currently in and look forward. I'm… Continue reading Beauty From Pain
Trying
I'm trying to find peace again. I'm trying to find hope again. I'm trying to find my faith again. I keep reading every book I can get my hands on, reading every blog I can find, and listening to every song that I can find. If someone mentions that something helped them through a difficult… Continue reading Trying
The Problem
The problem with grief is that I never know when it is going to hit. I've been back at work this week, and honestly I know that I came back too soon. I can't focus. I have these major bursts of grief where I find myself crying so hard that I have to go into… Continue reading The Problem
A Pre-Birthday Wish
My birthday is on Friday, and I'm so tired of everyone asking what I want. What do I want? I want the only thing that I can't have. I want my son back. I want to feel him kicking inside me again. I want to go back and change the past. I want Joshua to… Continue reading A Pre-Birthday Wish
The Bereaved Mother is…
From Still Standing Magazine the woman standing in front of you at the checkout line on the verge of tears because she just dropped the jar of pickles, the cashier who seems she could care less about her job, but had to return to work much too soon after her loss, the woman at work… Continue reading The Bereaved Mother is…
A Poem for My Beautiful Baby Boy
I saw this poem today on Still Standing. I thought it was so beautiful. I take no credit for this. It was written by Leanne Carline in the memory of her baby boy. I can only say that I can relate to the emotions she captured. I would give anything just to hear Joshua's little… Continue reading A Poem for My Beautiful Baby Boy
Even If – Kutless
"Sometimes all we have to hold on to Is what we know is true of who You are So when the heartache hits like a hurricane That could never change who You are And we trust in who You are Even if the healing doesn't come And life falls apart And dreams are still undone… Continue reading Even If – Kutless
Joshua’s Line Up
In an effort to feel like we are doing something to honor Joshua's memory, and to maybe help prevent this kind of situation from happening again. We are doing the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia this year. Here is the link for anyone that would like to sign-up to either walk with us if you are… Continue reading Joshua’s Line Up
Still a Mom
Everyone keeps trying to tell/remind me that I am still a mom even though I do not have my baby to take care of. Some days I just smile at them and nod, but other days all I can do is cry. One month ago I was getting to meet my baby boy for the… Continue reading Still a Mom
