Grey Day

This morning my boss announced to the office that his wife has been diagnosed with cancer. Apparently she has what started as stomach cancer but has now spread to other parts of her body. To listen to him talk broke my heart. I never know what you are supposed to do when told news like that. My gut reaction is to cry and offer a hug and a prayer, but it would be strange to offer my boss a hug. All I really know how to do is pray. And maybe bake something.

The truth is that I’ve seen cancer steal the lives of so many in recent years that it is hard to remember that a cancer diagnosis is not an immediate death sentence. After watching Lindsay, a strong, young, 25 year old be robbed of her future and her dreams by a brain tumor, it is hard to see the hope in chemo treatments. On the other hand I saw how hard she fought and how much faith her family had/has in God despite watching their daughter’s life pass away. It makes me realize how weak my faith often is.

I pray. But at the end of the day do I really honestly trust that God is going to fix everything? Sometimes, but not often enough. I know that my faith should be like that of a child. So strong that when I seek God and ask Him to perform a miracle, that I actually have faith enough in Him that it will be done. I should be more shocked when He doesn’t perform a miracle than when He does. I know that sometimes it is in my best interest that His answer is no, but even then I know that I struggle with putting my trust in His plan and timing. It seems like having that faith was easier when I was younger. Or maybe my problems were just simpler back then. Now I ask for miracles that mean something. Miracles of being healed from cancer. Of babies being healthy. Of financial support and better opportunities.

At the end of the day I know that God can fix everything. I believe that He is looking out for those who believe in Him. I know that faith can’t solve all of the world’s problems, but I also know it couldn’t hurt.

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