I drove across the most boring state today – Kansas. There is nothing for miles and miles. Just flat, flat, very flat land. I am in Colorado to clean out my father‘s house. I really don’t want to be here.
I have no attachment to any of this. I wish I did. I really wish I did, but I just don’t. It makes me feel heartless, I can feel all of this emotion for people that I don’t know and yet I can’t feel any grief at the loss of my own father. I’m not sure what kind of person that makes me. I’m still so angry for all that he did and all that he didn’t do. I’m just sad at all that I missed out on because of him. At the same time I like the person I became without him, and I don’t think I would be the same had he been around. The whole situation is a mess and it always has been.
Anyways, I’m in Colorado, and I’m not sure I’ll have internet access tomorrow. So…I might not post again until Saturday or Sunday when I get home.