Today would be my Grandma’s 84th Birthday. I only wish she was here to celebrate it with us again. I miss her more than she could know… This is something I wrote a couple days after she passed away last year.
M y grandma is the most beautiful woman I know. Her beauty was more than just the sparkle of her blue eyes, her sweet smile, or her beautiful snow white hair, it was in the way she would laugh at my many antics, the way she would tell everyone how proud she was of all of us. It was in the way she would talk on the phone when she thought I couldn’t hear her, she always seemed to be bragging on some minor thing that me or one of her grandkids did that she saw as another way to prove to everyone that she had the best grandchildren in the world. She would listen to me ramble and tell her story after story of the drama of my life. The way I etched every story she told me in my heart. Her beauty was in her sense of humor. The way even last Friday she teased the nurse and told her to go back out sit down what was in her hands and knock, after the nurse had simply said “knock knock” since her hands were full. Her beauty was in the way she was Saturday. She was so full of life, so vibrant. I didn’t want to leave. I crawled up in bed next to her and just hugged her tight, she said, “you really miss me this much?” I said, “yeah I do. The house is empty without you.” And now the house is so vacant without her. I don’t know how I will ever be able to be in this house and not want to simply break down and cry. Memories of her are literally everywhere I turn. I have been so blessed to have spent nearly every single day of my entire life with my grandmother. We had our ups and downs, but that was only because we were both too stubborn to admit we were ever wrong. She was not just my grandma she was my best friend. We would sit and watch Days of Our Lives together and just talk. We would talk about the show and about our own lives. She would tell me stories of when she was a child growing up with five brothers. She would tell me stories of my grandpa and of my mom when she was younger. I learned so much from my grandma, lessons that will stay with me my entire life. She always went on about how proud she was of me and all of her children and grandchildren, but truth is I was so proud of her. There were so many trials and adversities that she had to endure, and she did. There were so many times when the doctors were sure that the fight was over and then were so surprised when she seemed to be doing so good. I know there were times when she would sit and her room and cry. She said three weeks ago that she was homesick. I know how much she was missing grandpa, I always caught her doodling his name in her word search books. And I know how many times she said she was tired. Tired of not being able to walk and do the things she loved to do. She said she was tired of having to be so dependent on mom and I, but even though we might have complained sometimes truth was we didn’t mind. We knew she would do it all for us if she could, and there were many times when she did. She would take care of me when I was home sick from school. She would fix me 7-up and rice or jell-o. She always seemed to know the right words to say at the right time. I always got such a kick out of trying to watch a movie with her. Trying being the operative word, she never could understand the plots of modern movies. Oh but how she loved her old movies. She would sometimes watch turner classic movies all day long. She would watch 4 or 5 movies all in a row. It is those little things that I cherish most of all. The way I always made her cry when I attempted to play her and grandpa’s song Paper Doll on the organ. She would cry and then tell me stories of her and grandpa. I loved those moments I felt like I was privy to this secret world. She was letting me in on all of these little secrets.